Sunday, February 08, 2004

"The Body" Politic

The media has really been yukking it up about the news that Jesse "The Body" Ventura will be teaching at Harvard this month. OK, I'm far from a Harvard apologist, but c'mon folks, he's just going to be a wussy IOP fellow leading a study group—he's not taking over Helen Vendler's University Professorship or something. And though "The Body" and I hardly agree on any issues (other than the joy we both derive from seeing muscled men grappling with each other), have you read this dude's biography? He's a fawking Navy SEAL! Hardly someone to be joked about. And what an entrepreneur: his campaign was funded by bobblehead sales, rather than with dirty Enron money stolen from the pockets of hard-working Americans. Hell, he's held public office almost as long as he's been a wrestler (9 years v. 11 years). And yet somehow a Vietnam vet with more political and military experience than our current preznit gets relegated to the funny pages, while a similarly roid-ragin' meathead with no experience, no platform except movie clichés, a bad case of wandering hands, and a weird fag-bashing streak gets serious news coverage (plus Oprah!) and eventually free reign over the world's 5th largest economy....Sure. No wonder Jesse Ventura's study group is all about how awful the news media can be.

Speaking of inappropriate visitors to Harvard: Robert Downey, Jr. will be given this year's Pudding "Man of the Year" Award. (More on the Hasty Pudding for those fortunate enough to be ignorant of it: embezzlement RAWKS!) Oh Lawd! There's just so many ways to go about mocking this story—I'm not sure I'm up to the task, really. OK, Alex, I'll take "headlines initially considered by the Crimson for this story": Drug Addicts Honor One of Their Own...Nah, too easy. How about Money Launderers Hold Award Ceremony for Crackhead; First Such Gathering Since Golden Globes....Ooh ooh ooh: Downey Hears News of Pudding Award From Dealer He Shares With Pudding Prez; Half of Claverly Hall Found Out The Same Way....Eh, too wordy. Oh I know: Pudding Producers Honor Addict For Doing What They Could Never Do: Stay Sober For A Year....Phew! Shooting fish in a barrel is hard work. Feel free to leave your own headlines in the comments. Blogging is fun!

P.S. The Pudding always honors the "Woman of the Year" with an award show/drag parade through the streets of Harvard Square. Robert Druggie, Jr.'s distaff counterpart this year is Sandra Bullock, who thankfully found time in her busy Miss Congeniality 2 production schedule to join a list of honorees including Lucille Ball, Katharine Hepburn, and Meryl Streep. Sandy's drag parade will be on February 12th—here's hoping Jesse Ventura (he is a Resident IOP Fellow, after all) will make an appearance as well. It would be even more awesome than that time "Macho Man" Randy Savage visited Harvard Square!


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