Sunday, February 01, 2004

Lick Bush in '04

Remaindered politicking....

Having trouble deciding which Presidential hopeful is the one for you? I always let my wiener do the walking "vote from below the belt" (as Gawker calls it), so come primary time, really my only choice is Vermont's Finest, beefcake Howard Dean. (Not convinced? This très Abercrombie shot should convince any waffling swing voters.) I mean come on guys, if we gotta have a former fratboy for preznit, at least let it be a formerly hot one!

What's that? OK, fine: if you really believe that hunky bicep definition and an unbearably sexy dusting of fur aren't the only qualifications you need for being the leader of the free world, try the handy President Match, which spits out a customized ranking of the candidates (including Bush) based on how closely they adhere to the policies and positions you find important. Due to the either-or nature of the test, anyone with remotely liberal leanings most likely gets a list topped by never-has-beens Dennis Kucinich and The Reverend Al. Fawking hippies! Thankfully, a more fair and balanced version of InstaPreznit 2004 awaits at SelectSmart, which told me to vote for Dean—proving men really do think with their dicks!

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