Thursday, March 25, 2004

The Love Song of G. W. Bush [UPDATED 5PM]

"Let us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a filthy welfare mother etherized upon an abortion clinic's table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap Park Plaza hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question...
Oh, do not ask, "What is it?"
Let us go and make our campaign visit."

Someone pull Paul Revere out of the mothballs (ok, actually cast iron) and get him riding: The Bush is coming! The Bush is coming! Man, I can't believe I have to spend the whole fucking day within spitting distance of preznit give me turkee. Maybe I'll just get up and move to Chinatown to get farther away from him: on the inside I'm just an old Asian woman anyway (dim sum every morning!), plus, now it turns out that moving to Chinatown is the cool new thing to do.

So yeah, the whole area around the Boston Park Plaza hotel (where "President" Bush is spending the afternoon/evening fundraising today) is in total lockdown: at my work they released lots of detailed info about what streets will and won't be closed to traffic, but in the paper today I read that the Secret Service are refusing to release street closing information. Odd. And they actually had to cancel classes at the Renaissance Charter School (next to the Park Plaza) because of the preznit's visit. I'm glad that President "No Child Left Behind" thinks banking a cool $1M for his unopposed election effort is more important than getting the children of America educated. And this is from the guy who supports school vouchers and charter schools!

Anyway, all of you in the Greater Boston area, if you suddenly feel the urge to build a faith-based Superfund site atop a third-world orphanage or raze national forests using the aborted fetuses of commie pinko teen girls (or something similar), you'll know why—it's your close proximity to pure unadulterated evil. And those of you who fall outside the Axis of Evil the president projects for 50 miles in every direction around him, fear not: Big Brother is watching you, too—literally. A "reliable" source reports that every US$20 bill in circulation has a tracking device embedded in the right eye of Andrew Jackson; ditto for euros. Eek! If you microwave a $20 bill (?), the tracking device will explode and burn up. (Don't worry, a bill is worth its full face value as long as more than 50% of it is intact.)

UPDATE (5pm): So I was having lunch with friends, seated amidst the standard Back Bay lunch crowd—policemen, lawyers, anorexic publishing assistants, construction workers, etc.—and we were having a standard Bush-bashing session, as is common. We get back to the office and look out at the Park Plaza Hotel preparing for Bush's visit: who should be perched on the roof of the building, sniper-rifle in hand, but the gruff man in a police uniform who sat next to us the entire time at lunch. I was ragging on the "President" in full view of a Secret Serviceman. If I never post again, you'll know why. Nolite te bastardes carborundorum!

Also, did you know the Park Plaza is where all visiting "dignitaries" (and Bush) come in Boston because it has a bulletproof ballroom? What a great name for a band.


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