Thursday, March 11, 2004

Mary Me

Not much going on around work today, so it's just gay gay gay all the time. Let's talk briefly about the most deluded folks on the planet—the gay Republicans. So you're a "gay Republican" because you're socially liberal yet fiscally conservative, plus you smoke pole....Uh, too bad the Rethuglican party is neither socially liberal (not even centrist) nor fiscally conservative (not any more), nor do they—as Monica Lewinsky can tell you—look favorably upon pole getting smoked. So why do you persist in thinking they give a fawk about you, when they obviously just want you to "get AIDS and die" (to quote Repugnican radio host Michael Savage—surprisingly, himself a former gay Republican)? I mean cmon, look at what's happening with Mitt Romney, the fag-bashing Mormon squatter-governor of Massachusetts. A few years ago, the ringing endorsement of him by the gay group Log Cabin Republicans effectively won him the moderate vote and thus the governorship of MA. Yet ("surprise"?) in recent months, Gov. Romney has strongly come out against offering any significant rights for gay couples, and says he opposes both same-sex marriage and civil unions—this despite the fact that he (as part of the executive branch) has no say whatsoever in the current civil rights debate, which is taking place at the judicial and legislative branch levels. The question on Beacon Hill today is this: Who's more of an asshole in this situation, Romney for being a homophobe or the LCR for thinking he was anything but?

Thankfully not all "gay Republicans" are completely deluded. That most famous gay Republican (and Catholic), former New Republic editor and hack blogger Andrew Sullivan, recently renounced (on account of their avowed anti-gay stances) first the Catholic Church and then the President, even though he has defended both parties vehemently in the past. (Matthew 26:34: "Verily I say unto thee, that this night, before the cock crow, thou shalt deny Me three times." Teehee, he said cock!) I still find Andrew Sullivan to be a roid-raging moron, but at least he's seen the light briefly. And even the Log Cabin folks are starting to fight back in their own wussy way, by planning to air an anti-Bush Administration ad in key election states in the near future. The ads directly quote Dick Cheney, who first said civil rights should be left up to the states but has now recanted and agrees with preznit give me turkee that it's all about oppressing the homos on a national scale.

Cheney's position is particularly poignant horrifying because his daughter, Mary (who's hard at work on his re-election campaign), is a lesbian. Eeek!!! (Mary joins a growing list of politically active lesbian daughters/sisters of politicians that includes Chastity Bono, Chrissy Gephardt, and Candice Gingrich.) Indeed, Mary Cheney's plight—how would you feel if you had a dad who not only thinks you're a second-class citizen but wants to declare that to the world in the US Constitution?—has led to the birth of one of my favorite sites, Dear Mary. The site lets you write (and view already written) postcards to Mary urging her to talk some sense into her dumbass father. As past postcard-writers have said: "I WANT TO MARRY MY GIRLFRIEND; DON'T LET YOUR FATHER'S JOB END MY HOPE"; " Blood is thicker than water, but love is stronger than death"; and "Have you ever read "King Lear"? You might find strength and inspiration in Lear's youngest daughter, Cordelia. Cordelia loved her father so much that she refused to lie to him, even if it meant temporarily losing his favor. Best wishes, Bill in NJ." And so on....

Yet for every angry postcard, Andrew Sullivan Bush-bashing post, or bold Log Cabin Republican ad, there are still those gay Republicans who remain loyal to President Bush despite his call for a homophobic Constitutional amendment. Their argument is (1) there are issues more important to them than gay marriage, and on those Bush has taken a stand they like; and (2) Bush only said he opposes gay marriage to appease his conservative base. I understand talking point (1): gay marriage, while fabulous, is obviously just a "wedge issue" (whatever that means) to distract voters from how awful Bush's record is on every single other issue. But them's the breaks: Bush has decreed that he wants this topic on the table now—are you just going to accept lesser citizen status forever because fighting it isn't convenient for you right now? As (straight) groom-to-be Glen McDonald has written, "history will not look fondly on the 'defenders' of our current marriage law". As your beloved preznit has said, you're either for us or against us.

And listen, I also agree with talking point (2)—this is obviously all about making the fundamentalist Christian base happy. But, dude, when I realize that the political party I desperately want to belong to has a "base" that hates me and wishes I were dead and wants to deny me my humanity and thinks I'll burn in eternal hellfire forever, I don't apologize—I get the fawk out.

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