Monday, March 29, 2004

Queers in Heaven

I was all set to post today about this hilarious movie I saw this weekend, called Don't Ask Don't Tell (newly, ahem, out on DVD). The director and writer of the film redubbed the awful low-budget 1950s sci-fi alien invasion flick Killers from Space, inserting new scenes to transform the film into a tale of a secret government agency intent on eradicating homosexuality from the military—until a bunch of boogly-eyed lisping aliens invade Earth and begin turning everyone gay (including the director of the agency). So great and so random....

But it turns out that—as is always the case when we're talking about the gay—truth is stranger than fiction. Why post about preposterous gay alien alien invasion movies when the whole same-sex marriage debate here in the Bay State is just as comical and ridiculous? You see, just when you thought it was safe, the Massachusetts State Legislature is once again convening today to once again vote on gay marriage. For the love of Ann-Margaret! What is this, like, the 87th vote or something? Don't these people have anything better to do? What about all those free-agent renegade Robocops roaming the streets of Boston, terrorizing civilians with their Unionized billy clubs? And haven't all the good senators and representatives heard about that poll showing that American voters don't care at all about gay marriage? Perhaps the Legislature's taking their overzealously anti-gay cue from the federal judge who banned gay prisoners from writing letters to each other. Or maybe they're all just ignorant because they need a new news source.

Anyway, if you're feeling confused and unsure about the world of the gay—whether it's because of the complicated legal wranglings here in Massachusetts or just because of a gay alien brain wipe—I recommend reading anything and everything by Michael Bronski, a noted author/critic/local professor and frequent contributor to the Boston Phoenix (his articles are really the only ones worth reading in the otherwise totally shitcanned Phoenix). Always ardent and articulate, Bronski is probably most famous for cheekily (but convincingly) outing Harry Potter last year. He also had a great piece last week about attempting to debate civily with an evangelical Christian before realizing that all anti-gay marriage "arguments" are fully devoid of logic and nothing more than hysteria-fueled sandbox name-calling. He himself actually gives the most convincing rationale for being opposed to gay marriage in an article about, of all things, artistic representations of Jesus with an erection:

Too often today, sex and the body are ultimately viewed as shameful and in need of regulation. We see this in nearly all aspects of an increasingly repressive culture—in more censorship, in attacks on sex education in schools, in lack of funding for HIV/AIDS-prevention programs. But nowhere is this modern repressiveness better seen than in the battle against same-sex marriage....What same-sex-marriage opponents do believe is that this is the last symbolic stand they can take against the social acceptance of homosexuality—one of the last bastions of regulated sexuality.
In other gay religious news, I finally saw Latter Days, the Mormon coming-out movie that I mentioned before, starring a guy I went to college with. Like all the best gay B-movies, it was simultaneously gripping and horrible, but most memorable for the really really, really hot sex scenes. There were also some great wink-wink moments with young gay icons Amber Benson (lesbian witch Tara from Buffy) and Joseph Gordon-Levitt (out and proud star of Third Rock) both playing stridently homophobic characters. The money quote, though, came courtesy of Jacqueline Bisset (a.k.a. The World's Most Famous Cleavage): "Alcohol and homosexuals....Can't imagine heaven without both."

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